When I started my private coaching/counselling practice, I was clear on my goal. “To support others in become their best selves, to embrace their awesomeness, so that they can live authentically with meaning and purpose and break through the barriers that are keeping them from living in the fullness of their potential.” I want to see people be able to confidently stand and say “I am Awesome!” and I want them to mean it, to know it, to embody it. I want everyone who works with me to feel it to the deepest part of their soul.

Here is the problem, as I was putting together programs that I genuine believe could help people, I stopped living my own awesome. I became distracted and discouraged. I listened to the naysayers. I started to doubt myself and my message and tried to change it to attract paying clients. Over time, I didn’t even know what my message was anymore. It wasn’t until the last couple weeks when I started reviewing some of my original writing that I realized how off track I had gotten.

So now its time for a reset. Getting back to where I was at the beginning. Several years ago, I attended a psychology conference dedicated to the topic of meaning and the pursuit of meaning. The things I learned changed me. I realized that I had lost sight of what is important in my life, I had stopped valuing myself, and in fact most of the time I didn’t even like me. I often felt the effect of imposter syndrome when working with my clients because “Who did I think I was trying to help others to make their lives better when I wasn’t doing it my own life?” I felt like a fraud. I was living in fear. During that conference and listening to various speakers talking about living meaningfully and in fact about living fully, something was reawakening in me

As I reflected back on my younger years, I remember being a vibrant young woman with hopes and dreams. I was bold. I stood by my convictions and didn’t waiver. I was enjoying life without fear. Fifteen years, two kids and a failed marriage later, I looked back and longed to be that woman again. That woman I liked. Then I realized that even if my life circumstances were different, that woman would not have been the same after all those years. I couldn’t go back and do it again. I could only go forward.

It was time to take inventory of my life and make some changes. I had to ask myself “who am I now?” and then accept myself in my current form. I realized I had been hiding parts of myself, even from myself, parts that I deemed imperfect, parts I feared others would not accept. I had to learn to like me again, to love me again.

This is when I took on a motto for myself. “I will embrace my own awesome!” No longer will I live in fear. No longer will I keep myself hidden.

I can now say with confidence “I am awesome!” I like who I have become and I know who I am becoming.

I know I’m overweight, my hair is getting greyer by the minute, my bones and joints are creaking, I suffer with chronic pain, I’m a divorced, single parent, I don’t own a house anymore, my office is a mess, I can be moody, I’m perimenopausal, I have adult acne, I hate carrots….but none of that matters.

You see, being awesome is not about those things. The word “awesome” means to inspire awe and wonder. I had to come to the place where I could see myself and experience this sense of awe and wonder toward myself. Lessons from the Bible I had known since childhood suddenly became more real. I was wonderfully made. I was knit together by the very hand of God in my mother’s womb. God cares for me so much, He even know the number of hairs on my head. I have gifts and talents that need to be used and shared. I was born for a purpose. I am an image bearer of God, a reflection of His goodness and love. I had found this place of being truly and completely in awe of who God created me to be at the soul level, not the superficial shell that houses my soul. He created me to be the person that I am and allowed me to experience all that I have experienced and learned to bring me to the place I am today. And the journey isn’t over. I still have more growing and learning to do. I’m still working on breaking through the barriers that keep me from fully engaging the world to my fullest potential, but each day I get a little closer.

The more I could see my own awesome, the more my sense of awe and wonder about the world and of others began to grow exponentially. Embracing my awesome in no way diminishes the awesome of others, but has freed me to love and appreciate the awesome of each and every person I encounter. My heart breaks for those who have listened to the voices saying they are not good enough, that they are not awesome. And for those that hold the belief that to declare oneself as awesome is prideful, and lacking humility. Embodying awesome does not mean lacking awareness of one’s own flaws and short-comings. It doesn’t boast as if to say I have cornered the market on being awesome. Being awesome is to fully embrace the life you have, and to freely engage in the world with confidence and courage, being ready to face the storms with unwavering conviction. Being awesome and embracing the awesome creates resilience, it brings joy and peace, no matter what struggles I may have to face.

It is my hope and prayer for each of you reading this, that you too will find your awesome within and let it shine without fear or shame.

And so I get back to my original mission for my coaching/counselling practice, “To support others in become their best selves, to embrace their awesomeness, so that they can live authentically with meaning and purpose and break through the barriers that are keeping them from living in the fullness of their potential.” This is my mission.

My message to all who will listen is “You are Awesome. Just by being you, you are awesome. Let your awesome shine!”

Becky Hills

Becky Hills

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